You Are Fake Noose!

Raise your hand if you saw the NASCAR fake noose coming from several hundred miles away! The only thing that would have been funnier about the whole Bubba Wallace situation would have been if Jussie Smollett had held a joint press conference with Wallace to denounce the people in MAGA hats who keep trying to persecute them.

The most remarkable thing about this is the speed in which Fortune 500-type entities like NASCAR are willing to self-immolate in the modern age.

In case you missed this entire Jussie 2.0 brouhaha, here’s what happened.

Bubba Wallace is a half-black race car driver. He’s basically the Colin Kaepernick of NASCAR. Fortunately for Bubba, NASCAR feels that it doesn’t have enough “diversity” to appease the mainstream media. The NFL has tons of talented black athletes in it, so there really isn’t any room in the league for a mediocre drama queen who consistently strives to achieve 29th place. NASCAR, on the other hand, doesn’t have that many black drivers, so it has made room to prop up a mediocre drama queen.

On Sunday, a member of Bubba Wallace’s pit crew went to Wallace’s garage stall in Talladega, Alabama. That pit crew member found a “noose” that had obviously been hung in Wallace’s stall by a Trump supporter, in order to intimidate Wallace. The incident was so serious that NASCAR President Steve Phelps personally went to Wallace’s trailer. With tears streaming down his face, Phelps informed Wallace that a “hate crime” had been committed against him. Phelps vowed to hunt down the perpetrators in MAGA hats and permanently expel them from NASCAR.

Opportunity knocks!

Bubba Wallace immediately became more famous than George Floyd as he made the mainstream media rounds to talk about his feelings, the racist Trump supporters in MAGA hats and KKK hoods who want to lynch him, and how his amazing personal fortitude has allowed him to overcome the racism in America to consistently become the 28th or 29th fastest racer in NASCAR year after year.

He may not be the fastest driver by a long shot, but Wallace is definitely the biggest SJW in NASCAR. In recent days, he’s been wearing a coronavirus face mask that says “I Can’t Breathe” (in solidarity with George Floyd’s last words as he died in a state of excitable delirium from a fentanyl overdose as the police were trying to save his life by restraining him) and a Black Lives Matter shirt.

When Bubba Wallace – and no one in America other than Bubba Wallace – complained about Confederate flag emblems at NASCAR events last week, NASCAR immediately banned all historical displays of that emblem in order to appease the one black driver in the league.

In an emotional show of solidarity, NASCAR had all of the white drivers in the league push Bubba Wallace’s car onto the track for the race the next day after the noose was found in his stall. Just look at NASCAR’s virtuous support of diversity! Also, in case you missed it, NASCAR issued a scathing public statement in which, obviously, they pointed out that “hate has no place” in their organization. Sniffle!

The FBI sent a whopping 15 agents to investigate the noose in Wallace’s garage stall. Fifteen! Good thing the FBI doesn’t have anything better to do with its time, such as hunting down the idiots destroying historic works of art in American cities right now. (In their latest smooth move, Black Lives Matter spray-painted the statue of guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan in Austin. I warned you they wouldn’t stop with Thomas Jefferson!)

After a swift and thorough investigation, the FBI determined that everyone in the NASCAR organization is an idiot. Oh, and the hate-crime noose in Bubba Wallace’s garage was the pull-rope that you use to… lower the garage door.

Despite the fact that this was yet another Jussie Smollett-style hate hoax that smeared an entire race of people with a falsehood, the mainstream media is in lockstep in reporting the story this way:

“FBI Says Noose in Bubba Wallace’s Garage Was Not a Hate Crime”

It wasn’t a NOOSE!

NASCAR has burned itself to the ground with this fiasco even faster than the NFL did with Kaepernick’s disrespectful “take a knee” campaign, which you’ll remember was inspired by Kaepernick’s girlfriend who was a Muslim Brotherhood operative.

All of that wailing, gnashing of teeth, wearing sackcloth and virtue signaling… was over a garage pull rope. NASCAR could have saved itself all this embarrassment if they had spent a few bucks on automatic garage door openers – but instead, they’ll be making a big corporate donation to Black Lives Matter now.

NASCAR’s president vowed to kick the noose hanging haters out of the league after he tracked them down. Will he kick Bubba Wallace out for fomenting this stupid hoax and his racist smears against Trump supporters (and basically all NASCAR fans)? Of course not. That would require leadership and common sense.

Ann Coulter’s joke on Twitter was fitting: It’s time for NASCAR fans to find a more macho sport to watch, like figure skating.

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