CDC Sets Impossible Guidelines for Schools to Reopen Next Fall

It’s amazing to see the contrast between President Trump’s instincts and common sense against the actions of… well… pick any government agency. Trump exudes competence and a “get ‘er done,” can-do spirit. But no matter which federal agency you look to for advice on basically anything else, you get incompetence that is mindboggling. In this case, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has issued its impossible guidelines for schools to reopen in the fall. When you read these guidelines, you will immediately wonder if any person at the CDC has ever been a parent or even remembers what “school” was like decades ago when they attended.

The first thing to note is that these are guidelines. They’re not laws, rules or regulations. They are simply recommendations for how schools can reopen safely in the fall. Which means that in blue states run by Democrat governors, these guidelines will be the ironclad law of the land which must be adhered to under threat of the penalty of death, while in many red states, the CDC guidelines will be ignored. Here we go.

Staggered start and end times for the school day. To prevent children from congregating in groups, schools should stagger their start times. Instead of a rush at the beginning and end of the school day, schools will have to figure out a way to let kids trickle in a few at a time. You know, like when you go to Home Depot right now if you’re in a state run by a Democrat.

And good luck to those teachers who will have to teach a class while students are trickling in for the first hour or two of the day. At least they’re acknowledging that public schooling is really “baby sitting time” and not “education.”

Masks on everyone, all day long. That’s going to be so much fun for the kids and the teachers! It’s like Halloween – but every day! And with everyone wearing the exact same costume.

All students 6 feet apart at all times. Desks have to spaced 6 feet apart. Teachers must paste the ground everywhere with tape markings so that all people/kids stay 6 feet apart at all times, no matter what.

If a classroom is not big enough to space the desks out 6 feet apart, the school should set up plastic partitions or cubicles so that no student can launch a Chinese coronavirus spitball at any other student.

Close all cafeterias, playgrounds and gyms. Basically any big space where kids might get the idea to congregate in a group must be shut down. With cafeterias closed, kids will have to bring their own sack lunch to school every day and eat in their classrooms. You know, in their plastic cubicle. Obviously, this also means no recess for younger kids.

Same teacher all day. Remember that one grumpy teacher in high school that hated you for no discernible reason? Imagine having that teacher – all day, every day – for an entire school year.

One-way routes in hallways. If the bathroom is just to the right of a classroom, students had better hope that it’s not on the one-way side of the school going to the left. Good luck!

Speaking of the bathrooms… Schools are recommended to install physical barriers between restroom sinks, so that kids don’t breathe on each other while washing their hands. Does this include the gender non-binary restrooms? Why is the CDC oppressing us by not offering guidance on this?!!

Disinfect everything multiple times a day. Are we still doing this? Seems like it was months ago when the experts determined that the virus is spread by coughing and sneezing, rather than by touching stuff. Now we’re going to disinfect everything, multiple times a day, in a classroom that kids are stuck in all day long?

“Just ignore the janitor in the hazmat suit, students. Oh, and keep your masks on, because the industrial spray he’s about to use is pretty pungent!”

Massively reduced bus seating. School buses can only have one child per seat and an empty row between each child. We counted to check the numbers on this one. A large school bus that can seat up to 72 kids can have no more than 12 students on it under this rule. In other words, school districts will suddenly need to purchase 6 times as many school buses and hire 6 times as many bus drivers to transport the same number of kids.

I could keep going, but you get the point by now. These “guidelines” will be impossible for any school to meet. Not that school districts in blue states won’t try to implement them – and then demand a huge payout of federal taxpayer money when they fail to implement them while screaming at us that we want kids to die.

Meanwhile, there hasn’t been a single credible case of a child dying from this Chinese virus in America, or anywhere else in the world for that matter. The CDC doesn’t realize this? Every child that has “died” from the virus later turned out to have been killed by some other ailment – and they happened to test positive for the virus after they died. Our kids face virtually no risk at all from this virus, but if we didn’t know better, it looks like the CDC is deliberately trying to put kids at risk of emotional and mental harm from these guidelines.

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