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Democrats Impeachment A-Team Manages to Lose Even More Votes

Let’s play a little thought exercise today. Imagine for a moment that your goal was to dirty up President Donald Trump before the 2020 election by staging a baseless, partisan impeachment against him.

You know you’re never going to get 67 votes against Trump in the Senate to remove him. After all, you haven’t even charged him with anything resembling real crimes. Still, you’d think the plan would be to get as many Republican Senators to vote against Trump as possible.

You can assume that you already have four GOP votes walking into the impeachment trial: The four women Republicans in the Senate who constantly seem confused about which party they’re in (Susan Collins of Maine, Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, and both Republican Senators from Utah: Mike Lee and Mitt Romney). Your goal, then, should be to gain more than four Republican votes by the end of making your case.

It would be pretty difficult to screw things up and receive less than four Republican votes in that scenario. But then, what if you made a colossal blunder, like putting Jerrold Nadler and Adam Schiff on your impeachment A-team? Could it be possible to lose some of the Republican votes that were already in your camp? With Nadler and Schiff on the case, you bet it would!

It looks like that’s exactly what Nadler the Hobbit and Pencil-Neck have done.

If you wanted to win an impeachment case against Donald Trump, you probably wouldn’t want to pick perennial loser Jerrold Nadler to lead the charge, as Pelosi did. After getting his BA in 1969, Nadler stumbled around for years trying (and failing) to get into law school. He spent four years as a shift manager at the New York City Off-Track Betting Corporation. Yeah. If he was a Sopranos character, Jerrold Nadler would have been Vito Spatafore.

After eventually bumbling his way into politics and losing a lot of local elections, Nadler managed to become a Member of Congress in 1992. He has never accomplished anything of note in the years since. On his Wikipedia page, the “Personal Life” section only has one accomplishment listed on it, which is the fact that Nadler had laparoscopic surgery a few years ago to help him lose weight.

 

During Nadler’s opening remarks in the impeachment trial, he accused Republican Senators of being part of the big Trump conspiracy to cover up the truth. Whoops. In fairness, Nadler has never read a copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

Republican Senator Susan Collins was so unimpressed by Nadler’s insults that she sent a note to Chief Justice John Roberts, who is presiding over the trial. Roberts then issued a rebuke to everyone in the room, reminding them of the rules of Senate decorum. You’re not supposed to make insulting personal remarks about anyone in the Senate. It’s a big no-no.

The intent of this rule is to keep remarks on a factual basis. Accusing the entire GOP of engaging in a coverup obviously crossed the line. And with his opening remarks, Nadler managed to whittle the Republican ‘Yes’ votes down to three.

Nadler was immediately yanked off the floor and Shifty Adam Schiff had to take over. The days (and I do mean days) of Schiff droning on and on were too dull to cover in their entirety, so I’ll summarize his remarks:

Russia Russia Russia! Russian collusion! Ukraine! Orange man bad!

Phew! It was so boring that GOP Senators were playing with fidget spinners and other children’s toys just to stay awake. Sen. James Risch of Idaho gained newfound respect from all of us when he conked out like a toddler at naptime during Schiff’s droning recitation.

And for his closing remarks, Adam Schiff delivered a finishing blow when he told the GOP Senators that if they vote for impeachment… Trump would have their heads on pikes.

And… just like that, Adam Schiff lost Sen. Lisa Murkowski’s (R-AK) vote. She was unimpressed with his violent and stupid imagery. People in the gallery said she looked PO’ed in all caps.

Based on the Pelosi impeachment A-Team’s progress so far, here’s a suggestion for Trump’s legal team. They should surrender the remainder of their time to Schiff and Nadler, and just let them keep talking. By the time they’re done, we might have a small army of Democrat Senators voting to acquit Trump.


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