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2020 Field Clears as Rich Prep School Kid Castro Drops Out

Well, it looks like the Trump campaign won’t have the diminutive fake Hispanic guy Julian Castro to kick around anymore. The only candidate who managed to out-woke Kirsten Gillibrand in the 2020 race has decided to fold up his carnival tent and take his declared pronouns (he/him) home. Where does that leave the sad Democrat voters who are just weeks away from the Iowa primaries and Super Tuesday?

First, it’s worth a look back Castro’s doomed campaign to see just how awful and at times hilarious it was, in an “I just stepped in something cold and squishy in my bare feet on my front porch and I’m not sure what it is” sort of way.

When International Pronouns Day arrived this year (apparently that’s a thing now), Castro was the first to signal just how woke he truly is, by declaring his pronouns on his Twitter feed. This was remarkable and settled the question, once and for all, for anyone who questioned whether Julian Castro considers himself a biological male.

Just because he’s a short little guy doesn’t mean he’s not a “guy.” He is, okay? And his pronouns are “he/him.” All the other Democrat candidates followed his lead by declaring their own pronouns – but Julian Castro was first. Gotcha, Kamala Harris!

If they ever hold an International Species Day, the Democrat candidates will all have to mark “lemming” on their Twitter profiles. Because as Julian Castro demonstrated, every Democrat will follow you off a cliff to declare their own wokeness, rather than allowing someone else to out-woke them. It was fascinating to watch every Democrat adjust their policies, often in real time, whenever Castro (or sometimes Beto O’Rourke) would say something incredibly crazy before them.

This started in the debates, when Castro was the first one out of the gate to declare that he would completely decriminalize illegal border crossings. That opened the floodgates. Suddenly every Democrat was coming up with a way to outdo Castro. Tear down the wall! Keep children united with the strangers who had kidnapped or rented them! Abolish ICE! Free health care for illegal aliens, I mean, er… for “undocumented Americans!”

Castro is a native English speaker and grew up as a wealthy prep school kid along with his failed congressman brother. He doesn’t speak a word of Spanish, but in order to pander to the illegal alien and Hispanic vote, he started pretending he had a Spanish accent in the debates. He was pronouncing Guatemala as “chwat-ay-mal-a” and rolling his ‘R’s like he was calling a soccer match. It was hilarious. But not to be outdone, Beto and Corey Booker started addressing the American viewing audience in actual, halting Freshman-year Spanish.

Pro-tip: When you’re getting out-Spanished by Robert Francis O’Rourke IV and Spartacus Booker, it’s time to drop your fake accent.

But of course, Julian Castro’s campaign will be forever remembered for his impassioned and woke defense of the tiniest niche in America, the 0.01% of the voting public that is transgender. Castro declared with absolutely no facts or data to back up his claims that there is a nationwide murder spree going on, in which dudes in dresses are being murdered by MAGA-hat-wearing Klan bigots.

When other candidates tried to declare their undying loyalty to transgenders, Castro managed to top them all with his declaration that he supports abortion rights for transgender women, i.e. biological dudes who don’t have wombs and can’t get pregnant. Everyone else blinked. No one could top that policy position. It was the single most woke utterance of 2019. The other candidates all had to just move on after that Castro declaration.

“Goooooooooooooooooooooal!”

It’s truly amazing that Julian Castro managed to outlast a bunch of the other campaigns, as well. The media never warmed to little Hoo-lian. The press had a brief love affair with Beto, then set their sights on Woman of Color Kamala Harris as their preferred nominee. Kirsten Gillibrand’s willingness to publicly embarrass herself got a lot of press, too. New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio dropped out and, to be honest, I didn’t even notice. Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) and eight other no-name or barely-named candidates also dropped out before Castro.

Oddly enough, Julian Castro’s wokeness didn’t resonate with voters. In his very best polling, he never cracked the 2% ceiling. It would have been hilarious to see Julian Castro on a debate stage with President Trump, but alas, it just wasn’t meant to be. We’d say, “Adios, amigo!” to his campaign, but Castro would have to check with his translator to figure out what that meant.


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