It’s a really confusing time in America to try to follow the next presidential nominating contest. During the limited time in which the network news anchors stop talking about impeachment, they’re telling us that every single poll shows Donald Trump losing – badly – to every single Democrat candidate running. And then the next time you turn on the same show, the talking heads are groaning because there are no good candidates in the race to face off against Trump.
Michael Bloomberg, the former mayor of New York, jumped in the race a few days ago. Yes, I know, we were all thinking, “If only the Democrats had some more candidates to run!” You may remember Bloomberg as the one-man army who banned large, sugary drinks in New York City. No Slurpee for you!
Bloomberg pours millions of dollars into the campaign coffers of anti-gun candidates across the country every election year. He also helped George Soros pay for the teenage crisis actor bus tour after the Parkland mass school shooting in Florida.
Oddly enough, Michael Bloomberg makes President Trump look like a Benedictine monk when it comes to relationships with women over the years. He’s no Bill Clinton, but Michael Bloomberg is certainly a sexist pig of epic proportions. Years ago, when one of his female employees announced the good news during a sales meeting that she was pregnant and going to have a baby, Bloomberg infamously shouted, “Kill it!” in a room full of people. He didn’t want her taking time off work after giving birth; it’s more important to Bloomberg that potential new mothers grind away in a soulless cubicle to make money for his empire.
Yet Bloomberg gets a pass for all of his pig-like and sexist comments against women over the years, because he has the “correct” politics. He’s a leftwing liberal and he has a ton of money. And sure enough, the day after Bloomberg announced that he’s running for president in 2020, a brand-new poll showed him beating Trump by… 6 points in a head-to-head matchup.
Kamala Harris, Joe Biden, Pocahontas Warren and Red Bernie all beat Trump in head-to-head matchups, usually by… 6 points, according to the polls. So does Andrew Yang, the anti-circumcision candidate who wants us all to live in shipping containers and eat bugs.
Even Eric Swalwell and Beto O’Rourke, who had to abandon their campaigns in shame when they ran out of money, are still beating Donald Trump in the polls (by 6 points each, respectively).
All of this makes it especially hilarious when the news anchors wring their hands and wonder if a candidate who can beat Trump will finally enter the race.
“Someone… anyone… please, is there anyone out there who is not a crackpot and who could beat Trump?”
Some Democrat operatives are now working behind the scenes to enlist former Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick to run. If you’re like me, your first thought on reading that was also, “Who?”
You know! Deval Patrick! THE Deval Patrick!
Deval Patrick looks like a real winner. He’s so far to the left that Obama once plagiarized one of Deval Patrick’s speeches. Governor Patrick spent years trying to get a notorious convicted rapist named Benjamin LaGuer out of prison. Much like Obama, Governor Patrick railed against our “racist” judicial system that had put an “innocent man” behind bars. LaGuer was convicted of breaking into his 57-year-old neighbor’s house and then beating and raping her for eight hours straight.
Governor Patrick was so convinced of Benjamin LaGuer’s innocence that he put up $5,000 of his own money to run a DNA test. Much like another recent famous DNA test by a Democrat presidential candidate, this backfired spectacularly. The DNA test showed beyond any shadow of a doubt that it was LaGuer who raped the victim. But that didn’t cause Governor Deval Patrick to apologize for calling the police, prosecutors and jurors racists for putting LaGuer behind bars.
So, the really nice thing about a Deval Patrick campaign will be that it already has a built-in Dukakis-Willie Horton campaign ad ready and waiting!
And of course, Hillary Clinton is still waiting in the wings for Joe Biden’s impending suicide. The Washington press corps that attended the $50,000-a-plate fundraiser at Hillary’s house on October 16th has maintained absolute radio silence. They’ve hidden that secret even longer than the “whistleblower’s” name.
Hillary said this week that she’s under “tremendous pressure” to jump into the race. But don’t worry. Once she finally jumps into the race, the polls will show her beating Trump in a head-to-head matchup… by 6 points.