Oops – Real Scientists Just Proved Global Warming Is Not Real (Again)

The very first time that the United Nations issued a dire warning that we would all die from global warming in just 10 years’ time was in June of 1989. Since we have just passed the historic 30-year anniversary of all of our deaths 20 years ago from global warming, perhaps it’s time to check in and see what’s happening in the world of real science.

I don’t know about you, but I get more than enough fake science every time I turn on the TV these days, so I like to see what real-life scientists are discovering.

Every poll shows that global warming is the single least-important issue to voters in 2020, and yet every Democrat has a plan to fight this fake problem with your tax dollars. Every one of them is like a hobo with a sandwich board on the corner, screaming that, “The end is nigh!” As long as the end is on Stardate… 22… 64… point-seven!

(Sorry, Democrat nerds. I’m too busy doing grown man stuff to read those Harry Potter books, so I might have gotten that Stardate joke wrong.)

Anyhow, a team of real climate scientists in Finland and another team of real climate scientists in Japan both engaged in science and came up with a startling conclusion. It turns out that every government “climate model” in use on planet earth is totally wrong. Every single one.

A “climate model,” for those who don’t know, is a computer program that global warming cultists use to plug in all of the different variables, such as how much hairspray you use and how much flatulence cows have, to then predict what the weather will be like in the way-faraway future times.

Every single government climate model (computer program) predicts that it’s going to get maybe one degree hotter a couple of hundred years from now. And then, the polar ice caps will melt, and we’ll all have to live on homemade boats like we’re in Kevin Costner’s best movie ever.

Curiously, all of the government-paid scientists in the world who use these climate models predicting our doom have the same solution for fixing it: Tax America into the stone age. If they could just get all of the wealth out of the hands of us deplorable Americans, we would be saved from the climate calamity.

But the Finnish and Japanese real scientists have discovered that there was a glaring omission in every single government global warming climate model that’s been used since the 1980s. Every single one of them made this same mistake. It doesn’t matter if you look at the United Nations climate model, or the ones from NOAA, NASA, the House Subcommittee on Knitting and Doily Oversight… doesn’t matter which one – they ALL made the same math mistake.

They plugged in every can of hairspray used in America. They plugged in every real or imagined cow fart. They plugged in all the exhaust from all of the cars. But they left one teensy-tiny thing out of their equation. The nerds made a math mistake, and you’re really going to laugh when you read this.

It turns out that every government scientist for the past 30 years studying “global warming” forgot to account for those puffy white things in the sky. You know, those big puffy things – what are those called? You know how when it’s hot outside and one of those big puffy sky things gets in the way of the sun, and then it cools off?

Oh, right! CLOUDS! The Finnish and Japanese real scientists discovered that every single government entity that used climate modeling to predict weather doom totally forgot to account for how clouds affect temperature, weather and climate.

And then a weird thing happened. When the real scientists used the exact same government climate models and plugged CLOUDS into the equation… it turns out that manmade global warming does not exist at all, in any projected future timeline. Oops.

Seriously, do you government scientist nerds never go outdoors to observe the nature you’re supposedly doing science over? Or do you just sit around all day watching that movie about Frodo and Congressman Jerrold Nadler trying to save the ring from those Klingons? You “scientist” nerds are looking really pasty these days. You really do need to get outside more often.

Meanwhile, normal people can go out in the back yard and fire up their barbecues in totally guilt-free fashion this summer. We can rest easy knowing that those puffy white sky things are saving us from the weather apocalypse.

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